Remy Carreiro Takes a Dive Into Virtual Reality Porn 

 

The first thing you feel when you buy yourself a proper virtual reality headset is evolved. You really do. You feel like you got invited into some elitist social club while somehow lacking the proper credentials. It is the newest, most modern form of entertainment that very few seem to be getting on board with yet, which is where that feeling of elitism comes from. You feel like you stepped into the future while everyone is still living in last year. Like you are the first cat who busted out a CD while everyone still had cassette tapes. And your mind immediately goes to all the fantastic places you will be able to transport yourself to on a whim. While one minute you could be fighting a massive, fire breathing dragon (Skyrim VR for the win) and the next could be using lightsabers to slash moving musical notes like Guitar Hero on LSD (Beat Saber for the second win), the horizons you will visit virtually are seemingly endless and always awe-inspiring. But let me tell you one thing, right now. As much as you expect your friends and associates to be like “let me fly in a spaceship, dude” or “what it is like to see an actual monster face to face” (spoiler alert: It is fucking terrifying, Resident Evil 7 will make you shit yourself, thrice), 95% of all people who hear you have a virtual reality headset will all ask the same question:

What’s VR porn like?

Well, put on your lobster bibs kids, because it’s about to get sloppy up in hea.

 

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

I can start this off by telling everyone, quite confidently, that I probably would’ve never checked out VR porn if everyone and their Mom hadn’t asked me about it. Not because I am conservative or asexual or anything of that ilk, but rather, I was so stoked about flying around virtual landscapes on LSD (seriously, that is 98% of the reason I bought it) that I LITERALLY hadn’t even thought about it first time I was asked.

So naturally, the first time I was asked, I also became intrigued.

Wow, what IS virtual reality porn like? Will I feel like I am there? Just how voyeuristic does it really feel? Is it 3D?

Well, time to find out, can’t be that bad….

vr porn

 

OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

*Finishes bleaching eyeballs

 

Okay, if I had to sum up virtual reality porn in one word, I would say obtrusive (as fuck, literally). While in your head someone coming up to you and masturbating in your face MIGHT SOUND COOL, within seconds it dawned on me who would really like this shit.

Deviants.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have done some weird shit in my life, and do not begrudge anybody of a kink that doesn’t hurt or harm anyone else, but VR porn is the porn equivalent of getting a handjob through a hole in the wall. It feels…grimy.

I literally felt myself turning my head on multiple occasions to get the girl’s pussy out of my face. I can’t say this next part without offending some of you, so fuck it, ima just say it.

 

Smell-O-Vision

The whole thing feels, well, smelly.

Yes, I said it. I had to, it was the most glaring factor, to be honest.

I swear at moments I was getting whiffs of some crotch rot. Now I know that is not possible, but “it” was so fucking close to my face on-screen that my brain filled in the scent. Fill in the dots, fill in the crotch.

Yes, VR porn made me smell stank pussy.

Now were I were a homosexual, I am 99% sure I would been ducking a massive cock coming right at me, so really, pick your poison. Stink fist or a sword fight. In either situation, THERE ARE NO WINNERS!

Side note, thank GOD I didn’t have to dodge any cumshots.

 

So What Is It REALLY Like?

Okay, so virtual reality is 360 degrees, all around you, as you all know. And it can have depth of field and 3D, too. So when it comes to VR porn, 90% of it is a woman walking in the room, then walking RIGHT UP TO YOUR FACE to rub her button.

I don’t mean like, 2 feet away on a bed, either. I mean UP IN YO FACE, like three inches away. Now, if you are anything like me, I really did keep turning my head, and you would, too. It felt like I was getting face raped by a failed stripper with Daddy issues. Now some of you may enjoy the whole “stranger who looks like she prob rocks the HPV comes and slaps her clit in your face”, but it wasn’t porn to me. It felt like what it is like to hang out with drunk girls who don’t respect themselves (which I wouldn’t know anything about) and due to its incredibly aggressive nature of being inches from your mug, it feels kind of assaulting to be honest. Like you are stuck at an orgy with no ride home, and you just sobered up.

Yeah, it’s like that.

In saying that I have to follow it up by saying I don’t think VR porn is what people think it is, I don’t think it has reached a place where it “works” at all. I am by no means a fan of porn (though I dated a porn star, water under the bridge and so forth), but I truly see porn for what it is. A quick fix for people who can’t get that fix from someone else, and that is fine. That has its place.

JUST NOT ALL UP IN YO FACE!

 

How Could It Be Fixed?

Easily, to be honest. Give us experiences as oppose to straight smut up in your grill. Let me give you an example. VR is about perspective. Everything you see is from one perspective. An outsider who somehow got in (pun intended there). So how about you make me a millionaire, sitting on a couch in a penthouse watching two women (or men, whatever floats you, I don’t judge) as they go at it on the bed across the room. Give US the power to lean in closer to be further way, or even change angles. Maybe have a glass of Hennessy on the bed stand you can look over at to feel like you have clout. In other words, put us there without putting us THERE.

Another scenario that would be dope would be a chauffeur, driving, who has the hot shit going on behind him. You gotta peep over your shoulder or in rear view. It would feel voyeuristic and sexy as hell without feeling you are getting your face fucked raw.

And those are just two examples.

Give us insight into a life or opportunity we would never otherwise have. I can have a girl masturbate in my actual face tomorrow if I want. That’s baseline shit. Now how about making me into a smooth dude with a penthouse and a myriad of lovely playthings and that could be far more enticing and intriguing than “crotch to face” mouth to mouth? How about that?

But until someone realizes that, VR porn just doesn’t work (in my honest opinion).

 

In Closing

Right now, in 2019, VR porn is creepy as hell. So much so, I am febreezing the fuck out of my house as soon as I am done typing this.

 

Also, did I mention how, when you nut with a visor on you cannot see where your load goes? All I’m saying is, make sure you have no pets.


Featured image by recry resident — Flickr.