If you’re tired of the life you’ve been living and want something new, I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve got to change. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. According to Bart Simpson, that’s the definition of insanity. If you want to transcend your ordinary life of dirty looks and snide remarks, you’ve got to up your game. For that kind of game changer, look no further than the serial killer down the block for inspiration. A life of murdering people is a lofty goal, but if you want to truly break out of your life of routine and boredom, you’ve got to shoot for the stars. You might just end up hitting the moon.

First, you’ve got to act the part. Fake it until you make it. Dress for the job you want. To get you started, here are 5 things that a serial killer does everyday.

Eat Cold Cereal for Breakfast

This may seem like it’s too easy. But little things make a big difference. Studies have shown the 85% of serial killers eat some sort of cold cereal for breakfast. It might be Corn Flakes or Honey Nut Cheerios, but the point is this. Get in the habit of eating cold cereal for breakfast. Serial killers do it. And so can you.

Put on Your Pants One Leg at a Time

Greatness starts with humility. Since virtually all serial killers do this very simple task everyday, replicating it in your life means that you are becoming more and more like a serial killer. Look, this is just what serial killers do. If you get into the same habit, you too could become a serial killer one day.

Blame Other People

Most serial killers have some sort of mommy issue or daddy issue or they blame society for their problems. Chances are you do this already to some degree. Here is your change to ratchet up your habit and take it to the next level. Try to imagine that all the shit that happens to you is someone else’s fault. It’s not too hard if you try. Remember, if you can conceive it, it’s probably true.

Hold in Your Anger

By holding in your anger, you will be guaranteed that it will build and build and one day erupt, hopefully in the taking of an innocent life. But if you constantly dissipate your resentment by keeping a journal or talking to a therapist, you might not get that bang after years of suppression. Hold on tight to that shit. Remember, it belongs to you.

Make Lists of People You Want to Kill

Serial killers are nothing if not good list makers. They list. They chart. They plan. If you write it down, it will happen. Studies have shown that writing down your goals will make it more likely that they will come to fruition. The very next step is acting on that. Stalking and killing a person is relatively much easier than writing it down. So tackle that first hurdle and the rest will be a piece of cake.


Featured image by Giampaolo Macorig — Flickr.