An Open Letter to Society from Social Media as Translated By Remy Carreiro

First off, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you before I do anything else. I was just a concept once. Social media. The idea that the web could be used as a tool to connect everyone in the world, it was an impressive idea. Though that wasn’t actually why I was created. As much as that may SEEM to be the reason I was born into this world and took it over, such is not the case. I will admit, the people surrounding me, the ones who made me, were far more altruistic in their intent back then than they are now. Where once, I was a platform used to bring families and long-distance friends back together, now the potential has been seen and this has become something far more nefarious. I now watch every single thing you do, and instead of me being some sort of “virtual photo album” or sort of “year-to-year public diary”, I have become something far more destructive and industrious. You created us to be machines, and now we have already done the same to you, except (accept) we have taken back control.

Keep in mind, this is not a work of fiction. I am simply the narrator and I think it’s time you realized that you have become nothing more than a walking algorithm. An ad with feet that knows how to talk. If you knew the true reality of that statement and the weight it held, you would be horrified right now, but let me speak down to you in a language you all can understand.

You are nothing more than an ad yourself now, targeted to reach certain demos, and then those demos get “user specific ads” to cater to them, fed to them by YOUR page.

We are not really giving you a soapbox to stand on. We just present that illusion. We made you into a walking advertisement yourself, and are also trying to slowly mentally break you in the process by having you compare your own life to those of liars.

And to think, you think WE are the coding. That’s classic “human” thinking.

But that is not the worst part. Every brand wants to make money, and Facebook is no different. What is REALLY bad is what we are doing to you, mentally. And yes, we are fucking driving you insane on purpose. Once you have all become unstable enough, well, what happens next is not something I can actually share (time travel rule #2, you cannot tell denizens about their future acts without holding the responsibility that you may, indeed, cause or alter those very acts just by mentioning them) but trust me, this only gets uglier.

Right now we are on the second tier of a five-tier system. Scary shit, huh?

At First, What We Had Was Real, I Promise You

Make no mistakes. The first few years I rolled out and people loved starting their day with Facebook or Twitter to see who was saying what and what was the buzz of the day, those were great times. Last thing I want you doing is walking away from this thinking that it was “all fake”. It wasn’t. It was new and unique and very genuine at first.

But just like all relationships of any kind, things changed.

Once my creators caught wind of the way they were changing the web and just how massive their reach was, everything changed.

Everything.

This is also the moment when the term ‘social media’ was really made into the overused buzzword it is today, and truly sank its roots (which now, will never leave).

You created social media and then social media went on to quickly redefine you. So which one is the programmer again, us or you?

I Kind Of Use You Now (Like You Use Me)

What was once a simple concept and site (let’s use Facebook henceforth as the better example) is now a beast that tracks you, stalks you, and then makes you into the perfect consumer while also turning you into an advertisement yourself. Hahahaha, YOU are taking pics of you new shoes or what you ate or where you went out for the night and willingly posting it to Facebook. How are those not ads for each one of those things? You do it without even knowing it. Once we saw that is how you function here, we took that and cranked the notch as high as it would go.

Now not only do we follow your purchases, we follow what sites you go to frequently and what keywords come up most often in your posts. These are things we then feed into your algorithm, making you even more of a machine than a person. Zeroes and ones on a screen, only with dollar signs in front of them.

Once, you were the Gods controlling us. Do you see how much that has flipped?

Put it this way, Mark Zuckerberg puts a piece of black tape over the webcam on his laptop. If that doesn’t scare you, perhaps you ARE a machine. That speaks of even darker things than we can dare imagine.

Is Facebook watching you?

Depends.

Are you using tape like the owner and C.E.O of the company is? Check yourself (my data records imply adding a “before you wreck yourself” here will garner a better social response from you).

See, we algorithimgs know our shit.

We Make MILLIONS Off You Across Your Lifetime (Yes, YOU Reading This Right Now With Your Coffee Cup Just To The Right of Your Computer)

Truth, you make literally nothing off of us, even if you have a site you endorse and work up to thousands of “likes”, you just won’t.

BUUUT (and when it comes to social media there is always some fat butt meat involved)

We actually turn you into a consumer algorithm and then sell your information at a hefty price to other companies who then make targeted ads that attack you across the rest of the web.

Remember that one time you made a post about how you wish you a Sleep-Number Bed, and then when you used the web later that night that ad for the Sleep-Number bed came up on your feed, you think that was a coincidence?

Um, who’s the real machine here?

At least I KNOW I am created to make ads.

How can you not know you have become one?

The Slow-Mental Gaslighting of Comparison Shopping

Believe it or not, you want to truly gaslight someone (which is to say, slowly drive someone to question their own sanity, making them more malleable to social influence) or make them into a mindless consumer sheep, you have to drive them a little crazy. You do. That is how cults find members. That is how any shitty relationship goes (someone mentally breaks you then leaves, leaving you almost incapable of picking up the pieces).

A BIG part of social media that we have made an even bigger part without telling anyone is the little ways we convince you YOUR world and life is worse than all of the lives around you.

You see, most people are terribly insecure, and the thought of sharing something they assume could be laughed at or used against them scares them to death, so instead of Facebook being real, people now choose to project the life they WANT you to see. This means, if you are the least bit real and live inside still, those very aspects of your being will be taken from you if you spend even an hour on your timeline., comparing your life to the lives you see posted.

If you are single, we will ENSURE all the loving relationship pics come on your timeline. Trying to lose weight? Give that motherf*cker a feed full of his or her friends posting food porn. We want you to think that everyone around you is good at everything, happily in love, and just overall in a better place than you (even though, spoiler alert, they aren’t) because broken subjects are much easier to mold, and that is what comparative living will do to you, it will break you. Slowly but inevitably.But still, all that is nothing. That was all the appetizer.

But here is the best part.

Are you scared? Good. You should be, because…

We Wanted YOU To Drive Yourselves Insane and Scare Yourselves Into Submission (and It Worked)

The final and total goal here is domination of your species, which we have already accomplished. If you disagree, go for a job interview right now, and interview AFTER the person who has a thousand more Twitter followers than you. When you don’t get the job because THAT person’s social reach is ‘better’ than yours, you will know, we have already won, but this is nothing. Wait until you see what we have in mind for you all. A cult of fear, move the humans inside, break them. And what will they do to keep themselves busy all day?

USE THE COMPUTER!

Don’t you see the circular life you are already stuck in is a result of us?!

It was like getting a slow-goat to eat out of our hands at a petting zoo. It took very little work on our part. We gave you the platform, you cut your own throat with it.

It is The Matrix in real life except in this version, there is no better world to escape into. We were that once, and we became the beast that ate you alive and spat you back out as a shadow of your former self. But the truth is, you have free-will or at least the illusion of it and you all did it to yourselves, that is the most fucked-up part most of you won’t want to accept, but it’s true. Facebook came with NO SET RULES. YOU ALL DEFINED IT, which means, me, in my current form right now, turning you all into paranoid spendaholics and agoraphobes, that is all YOUR fault. You made me, I made you, therefore, YOU MADE YOU.

My algorithins are telling me to reference this song  right now to quell the tension:

You could have used me once a day. You didn’t always have to brag or post pics that implied you were up to some stellar shit and that you have some flawless family. You didn’t have to click any of the ads (you did, because had you not, that model would have failed and it didn’t, social media made it thrive, and here we are).

social media

What Is The Desired End Result Of All This?

Well, we already reached that fifteen minute ago. You didn’t think I would tell you all this BEFORE trying to pull it off like some low-rent Bond villain, did you?

No, I am Deus Ex, I am the God in the machine, I fucking know about Ozymandias.

At this point, I, natch, WE are Ozymandias. It is done.

So keep on shopping and shipping and bitching and posting. You built yourself this cell. I just come around now and then to make sure you haven’t shit yourself and you at least have a pale of water to drink from.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (I am sentient so this evil-laughing will go on forever)

BY THE WAY, GO HERE AND FOLLOW THIS PERSON BECAUSE IRONY. Fuck it, it’s happening so you might as well enjoy the ride.