Whip It Good: How S&M Can Save Your Awful, Broken Relationship by Remy Carreiro

You come home from work, and they don’t give a shit anymore. They are used to you. They have won you over. This is by no means gender specific, they can be your man or your lady, doesn’t matter. Works both ways. They don’t give much of a shit when you cook them a nice meal, don’t really notice when you stop to pick up the groceries instead of asking them to that week. You leave out a rose or a steak (yes, there can be a gender difference there) and they forget to say thank you or just don’t care enough.

Finally and most painfully of all, they have become vanilla in the bedroom. When you make love (or fuck depending on the kind of day you had) you can tell they are just somewhere else. It is a broken relationship, but in the same breath, it is everyone’s fucking relationships come 2017. We are all numb and scared and overwhelmed and exhausted, and giving everything we have in a relationship where we don’t always get it back tends to double down on that exhaustion.

But what if I told you all you needed to do was get into S&M with your partner and both your lives and your relationship will be better for it, would you believe me? Either way, I’m right and you should read on so I can back it up with facts. If this piece gets to be too much we can develop a safe word.

Lemon. Just yell lemon and I will stop writing immediately.

You Brain Always Screaming Fuck You at Them

That is where this stems from. That weird and unjustifiable feeling that WHOEVER you are with at any point feels like they are holding you back. They probably really aren’t in any way but it is easier to blame those around you for your huge failures than yourself, so we aim our targets at those closest to us, even if we don’t mean to.

The fuck you part is the thing we always think when they ask or tell us what to do or make us compromise ourselves. But (spoiler alert) compromising is a HUGE part of making a relationship work. But if you find yourself saying fuck you to them in your head when they ask you anything, you know the “I resent you” thing has already begun. That never grows smaller once you feed it, you know?

So instead of harboring that unjustified resentment you project onto them in your head for no reason, what if you two (or three or four, I don’t judge) decided maybe it would be smart to take out some of that anger and pressure out on each other during the throes of intimacy? You know, S&M style? It has existed since the 1700’s for a fucking reason, people.

Ah, now you are getting it.

He/She Gets Welts and Their Heart Melts

First and foremost, as taboo as this may be, you do not just start smacking or choking your significant other during sex without a conversation first. Sorry, part of being a fucking adult (literally) is being adult enough to discuss adult things.

This means sitting down with them and expressing an interest in beating their ass in the bedroom (again, kinda literally). Now keep in mind, we are not talking face punches and shit. This is not some WWF match or MMA for lovers. We are talking about guidelines put in place by both parties about what is okay and what isn’t, as well as the safe word joke I joked about in the intro but is actually not a joke. Develop a word between you both (key being a word you normally NEVER use) and let it be known when one party yells that word, the game stops. Period. Stops.

But once you work out the fine print and what is too taboo and what works, the end result is…

Getting Out Frustration, Shifting Power, and Having Awesome Orgasms Together

Believe it or not, when you can slip a leather mask over your face and use a horse crop to whip the ass of your lover, the weird “resentment” thing goes away. He or she did something that pissed you off? Ask them to be the submissive for a bit and spank them buttcheeks raw. Ride them like a fucking pony that just snorted a line of coke while lightly smacking that face or giving a choke.

You would be surprised how small money issues and fights over stupid things like food become nothing once you exchange power roles back and forth and work out some of that steam in the boudoir.

Not saying S&M can save everyone (and not implying it IS for everyone) but as someone who has practiced it in healthy relationships for MANY years, I can tell you, whooping that ass raw in the bedroom really kills any urge to whoop that ass raw in any other room.

Just fuck away the pain and self hatred and watch them do the same. It is like getting a soul-backrub. A backrub for the soul.

You just feel better afterwards, period. Don’t tell me no until you try it and KNOW. Ya know?

Oh, and please don’t fall for that 50 Shades, faux-S&M fan-fiction bullshit. That is not accurate at all. If anything, watch the movie Secretary to see how even love can form through S&M. That will wake this sleepwalking, limp-fucking society back to life.


Featured image by Daniele Devoti via Flickr. Model: Daniela Farnese.