Gender Bombs: An Examination of How Men and Women Have Switched Relationship Roles

I am not going to lull you in here with a poetic introduction about how unbalanced relationships have come. I am not going to try to seduce you into reading my thoughts by painting pretty prose around them. I am just going to jump into this ice cold water and hope for the best. Shit between men and women is fucked up lately, we have a president who perpetuates that, and if we don’t stop and switch our behaviors, we are doomed in the procreation sense. Men to re-acclimate themselves with their own masculinity and sense of self, and women need to stop adapting behaviors they hate out of fear of having them happen to them.

Shit, I guess that was kind of a flowery intro. Anyway….

We Did It To Ourselves, and That’s Why It Really Hurts

The sad reality of our current situation is, generation X and Y were raised by baby boomers who not only ruined the economy for us, but the world. How so, you ask? By making us all believe that we, as males, would be assholes. That our little faults and inconsistencies would break apart the foundation of otherwise healthy relationships. It was a message perpetuated by TV, movies, and everywhere else you looked. So what did men we do as a collective gender that has gone all but unnoticed? We decided to turn into gentleman again. Buying roses and holding doors and doing all we could to wipe away the tarnished carbon bootprint of our bastard forefathers. The same bootprint that stomped women down, literally, in those days.

Sadly, in the process of becoming gentleman again (or at least trying to bring chivalry back) we went from being alphas to emasculated, and by our own hand no less.

But we aren’t the only gender who have tried and failed.

The women of the same generation, for example, were raised by beaten-down, feminist baby-boomers who convinced them that they would be the endless victims of those same “asshole men”, which in turn, caused the Gen X and Y women to build up a defenses so high, they in turn become the very monsters they were once rallying against.

Cheaters, liars, and overall abusers. What, you didn’t hear? Slapping a man in the face is fine as a female. You can do that shit in public. But a man slapping a woman? That is jail time, my friend. It is just how we work now, and maybe for all men did  to the female gender over the years, we deserve this. To bare the burdens of the mistakes the men who came before us made. We carry the weight of our father’s father’s father’s decisions on our backs, and it is clear now it is a stigma we will never likely lose. The end result is that now, men are the perpetual victims of abuse and infidelity that we were groomed to believe we would do ourselves, which makes things worse by causing our brains to believe we deserve that behavior or that it is our own fault it happens to us.

Some of the woman, on the other extreme and as a result of this, have become the more amoral monsters they were taught to fear so desperately.

Ironic how it played out for us all, huh?

Yay feminism!

Speaking of Feminism….

Frankly, I liked you ladies better in the kitchen, and some part of me deep down that knows you like being babied and taken care of knows you did, too. Cooking three meals is a fuckload easier than any 40 hour a week job, no matter what Oprah told you to the opposite effect.

But don’t worry, we never have to speak of this aloud.

I wouldn’t want to get slapped in the face and not be able to retaliate, and I also don’t feel like doing a bid for soulless harpy who thinks it is okay to hit people.

So congrats ladies. You are dying younger every year, you suffer from heart attacks now statistically 100% more than any of you did as housewives, a great many of you cheat, and on top of it, you are all feminists until the first fucking blizzard hits and then it is all:

Wahh, I am a wee wittle woman, shovel me out sweetums?

That is when the brightest and most genuine of us respond, smiling:

Shovel yourself out, my love. I am a TRUE feminist and I refuse to treat you as less than me, and shoveling your car our would indicate I did, indeed, think you helpless which, as one of the strongest and most driven women I know, is a far more damning insult than anything else.

I love you enough to tell you I believe in you. You remember that song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” where that weird guy gets a lady drunk and then she asks to leave and he sings about he is just gonna tear her shit apart regardless? Well, this the opposite of that. Were your grandmother alive to see this she would know her battles were not for naught. We HAVE come far my lady. Let us not undo all that progress in one night…

*hands her shovel and slowly pushes her outside, yelling: I am incredibly proud of how serious you’re taking this movement, then shuts the door.

Send death threats here and here. I am used to them by now.

Featured image by Craig Sunter via Flickr.