Losing Weight Can Ruin Your Life 

The funniest misconception in society is that losing weight if you are overweight will make your life better. While that in itself is a truth to an extent, there is also fine print no one tells you. You need to understand, the “better life” part is only a half truth in many ways. Will you potentially live longer and be healthier? Yes, allegedly. Will you probably look better? Yes, you probably will (unless you are one of those weird people who lose a lot of weight and then look like you are wearing a loose skin suit) but there are aspects to losing weight many will not tell you about or talk about for very simple reasons. It is heart breaking and in many ways, speaks of a sickness in our own country that far surpsses that of obesity.

I speak of a vapid society who, though they have known you your whole life and the only thing that changed was your outsides, will suddenly treat you like a completely different (and far superior) person than who you were, even though who you were and who you are have not changed at all, outside of the dropping of some LB’s.

Yes, the people you love and the overall public in general will treat you like they love you MORE, and if you have any substance of soul at all, that will make you hate them and it will break your heart.

Shattered Taboos

First of all, let’s talk about my own history with weight loss. I look okay right now, I am where I want to be. Not some slim motherfucker who could have a rib broken with a punch, but also not some automatic wheelchair driving Walmart motherfucker, either. But I can tell you this. I wore a 38 in high school and can rock a 32 now, through 34 are less stifling on my balls. My point being, I went from wearing almost size 40 waist to a 32, and did most of this out of people’s line of sight, so it went from a bunch of people seeing me fat to the next time they see me, me being NOT fat. This opens up a weird door that no one ever talks about, and it is KIND OF fucked up and not okay.

First Reaction

This is where the first arrow will hit your heart. The “OH MY GOD LOOK AT YOU!” reaction. First few times it happens you will feel great, as you should. They are people complimenting or addressing the hard work you did and the physical change that came along with it. But think about the reaction in comparison to all other reactions you get in your lifetime.

Nothing compares. No one is EVER as excited to see you as they are to see you the first time you lose weight. It may sound really nice, but if you think about it, it isn’t.

The weird thing is, they LOOK at you differently, right away, and you see it. They finally RESPECT you. And they almost let it be known by the reaction itself. They react much in the same way someone would if they saw a fucking UFO. They say OH MY GOD really loud and point. That, in itself, is super fucking weird and a bit of a faux pas, but people seem okay with it so is still exists. But it gets even weirder. They look at you with this beaming smile and they somehow feel like it is okay to touch you.

Um, I don’t care if you are pregnant or just lost weight or have a new haircut or have skin that is made of silk, unless invited, there is no place or situation in modern society where it should be okay to walk up and touch another person (that you do not have an already intimate relationship with). So now you have some weirdo in public poking and prodding you while wearing a smile that looks like it belongs in the Black Hole Sun video from Soundgarden.

And yes, it gets fucking worse.

They Try To OWN Your Weight Loss

The next thing that happens after they smile wide and scream loud enough for the world to hear is, first, they try to figure out how you did it. The worst part is, whoever you see from your Dad to your cunt Aunt Carrol to an old friend from school, they will all try to take some fucking ownership of it or become Sherlock and whittle away the options, right there on the spot.

They’ll say things like “Bet it was that three glasses of water a day thing I told you about (this exact one happened to me by two different people, twice. Fuck yourselves, my hard work had nothing to do with your fucking watery wive’s tale). “Told you cutting out the meat would make a difference.” They say shit like that on assumption alone. Nope, didn’t cut out meat and start drinking water by the gallon per your advice, but thanks and stuff I guess even though this whole exchange is super awkward and shouldn’t be happening.

But if you think the public poking and prodding and dime store detective work trying to own your weight loss is bad, this is still the really simple, easy part. It gets way worse. These people are just a microcosmic example of what will happen to you on a more grandiose scale.

Family and Friends Suddenly Love You More

People you have known your WHOLE life. People whom you would give your life to protect and whom you love with all your heart. They will suddenly treat you better. I know this sounds like great news but if you have a soul, it isn’t. It means they respected you less the whole time in the relationship because you were obese, and the minute you turned up skinny (or skinnier) you get the gold treatment. That’s fucked up and not how I work. Everyone gets gold in my eyes. Weight, height, color, and gender be damned, and they only lose gold by being assholes. That’s IT! Just knowing everyone else has a much more shallow template for how they do things makes me sad.

For the stupid, this means you have been getting the silver or bronze treatment with these people the whole time, just because you weren’t up to their physical standards. The same people you assumed were loving you for you. I mean, they kinda were because they had to by proxy, but seeing how much kinder people are to you in general once you lose weight is sad, but seeing how much kinder those you love are to you is plain heartbreaking.

I was the same fucking person inside, the whole time. Yet half the time, they treat you like you look and act like this:

Yeah, not cool.

Even Strangers Want a Touch

So Ma and Pops and siblings suddenly treating you like an actual person and it is kind of weird. All the girls (or guys) you wanted to sleep with suddenly want to sleep with you too, because you look better. Even with strangers, male or female, you will find yourself getting benefits. Getting away with speeding tickets or getting something ‘on the house” at Starbucks because the barista thinks you’re cute. This is like a world within a world revealing itself to you. But not because you earned it. Make no mistakes. If all of this sounds good to you, you must be sick.

All it proves is we are deep people in a shallow world surrounded by shallow people who judge and treat us based solely on our looks and nothing about us or who we are as people. Maybe some soulless motherfucker who doesn’t care that his or her family likes them more now would be cool with it, but it ended up hurting me to experience. Losing weight was leading me to a loss of faith in all of humanity. To see how vapid and shallow the world I was in was began to drown me.

So I fingered all the girls I wanted to finger, walked into some movies free, and bought a few of jeans that were a bit too snug for me, but then I decided, you know what, fuck this.

I Just Wanna Be Fat Again

There is a rapper named Cage who is insane and genius and everything you wouldn’t want your daughter to fuck but she would anyway. Cage was once a fat guy, and has a song about it. Please note how nothing has improved and at the end of the song he is more miserable being skinny.


That last line he mumbles is important because what you hear in his voice is defeat. Regret. He doesn’t care he can get the pussy he wants. He doesn’t care that he is more photogenic. He is tired and annoyed and just wants some chinese food. That is where I got perosnally, too. Getting skinny should have been the happiest time in my life, and in the end, it just made me realize that everyone around me hated me because I was fat and they were a bunch of worthless, shallow, insecure assholes (who apparently think it is okay to poke someone in public).

My Final Act As a Skinny(ish) Guy

My final act as a skinny guy was strictly a defiant one. There was a blonde who I was friends (use the term loosely, as in ‘loose vagina’ loosely) with and one night we were drunk and I made a joke at a party (in my fat-guy stage) about us hooking up and she not-so-delicately shot it down for all to hear, which was fine. I get it, but I never forget. But I said to her, in front of everyone, it’ll happen, and when it does, I am not holding the story back. She laughed and again, pointed an upturned nose, but so be it, I forgive but do not forget, and I did not. My final skinny guy act was gonna be epic.

BUT, once I dropped some LB’s she was all over my shit, much like the shallow fly I thought her to be (easy as stars on the eyes, though) Somehow, thinking I forgot how much of a cunt she was. I hadn’t. So I took her out one night, dinner and drinks, and she wanted to fuck. Took her home, literally fucked her to near death, and then got up and told her the story from five years earlier, monotoned, while getting dressed casually.

I could tell she didn’t know what to say, so I just leaned in and whispered  “told you I would end up fucking you” then I, kid you not, walked away, drove to McDonalds and had my first McPoison in about two years, and never talked to her again.

Told you I wouldn’t hold the story back, Lisa. Told you, again.

Damn I’m good.

The Long Run (That Is Figurative But Can Be Literal)

And now, well, I look okay right now, I am where I want to be. Not some slim motherfucker who could have a rib broken with a punch, but also not some automatic wheelchair driving Walmart motherfucker, either. See how it all circles back around, people?

Stuck to 34’s. Not so big that people hate me on instant, but not so small that people feel like they need to clap an cheer and touch my body. But yeah, for all listed reasons above, losing weight can fuck with your head because you realize no one saw you in the first place, even though you’ve been the same person the whole damn time.

Now that I know how fake this whole life thing is and how shallow it is, Ima do for me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a fried Twinkie calling.

And I’m STILL happier than you!

Featured image by Michael Mol via Flickr.