In this era of 24-hour news cycles and online sharing of just about anything that tickles the “feels” part of your cerebral cortex, it’s easy to stumble across some questionable news sources. But for all the typos, plagiarism and ad-laden slideshows this new news frontier has dumped on us, it’s also gifted us with a new breed of hard-hitting, pull-no-punches alternative news sources.

But these new kids on the block don’t play by the same Walter Cronkite rules your parents grew up with. Things get raw, gross and, above all else, real with these sources. So you might want to think twice before posting anything from them on your 70-year-old mom’s Facebook page, unless you wanna deal with the ensuing heart attack.

 

VICE

Now over 22 years old, what started off as a grungy zine has expanded into a multi-billion dollar media empire, replete with website, documentaries, and even its own TV channel. But though they do serious and capital-I Important journalism like getting embedded with ISIS, the website still honors the punk traditions of the mag’s early years with graphic articles about sex, vomit, and putting drugs up assholes published on the reg.

If you must share a Vice story with mom, be sure it comes from the “Vice News” section of the site where stories are still (relatively) straight-laced.

vice news

Starwipe


Everyone in your dad’s retirement home knows about The Onion at this point. Some might even know about their Dadaist Buzzfeed spoof, Clickhole. None, however, know about the comedy site’s TMZ-esqu spin-off, Starwipe. Where The Onion specializes in satire, Starwipe’s genius is in that it reports on the actual banal “news” stories of the paparazzi and celeb world with cutting headlines and a subversion of normal gossip rag expectations.

Keep these links away from the olds at all costs. They wouldn’t cause any pearl-clutching, but they might confuse and bewilder them to a point where you’d have to step in and explain things and why would you wanna sign yourself up for extra work like that?

 

Next Level Bullshit

Joe Irvine hosts a YouTube news show that tackles the bullshit being spewed by politicians, corporations and other establishment institutions. It’s like if the PolitiFact Truth-o-meter got wasted at an Andrew WK show and spent the rest of the night challenging everyone to fight in the parking lot.

I’m not saying your mom can’t handle #truthbombs from time to time, but you might wanna steer her in the direction of programming with fewer dubstep drops and more sensible suits and ties so she can pay attention to the facts being presented and stop asking what she did to make the man on the screen so cross with her.

next level bullshit

The Cannabist

It’s heartening to see that in these politically divided times, we can all seem to agree that pot should be legalized. And while the states that have legalized already have done the proof-of-concept heavy lifting, I’m not ready for Mom to start reading reviews of White Fire OG like she would for the latest Marvel movie.

The Cannabist might be a legitimate journalistic endeavor for the under 60 crowd, but something tells me getting the same news information delivered via Forbes will lend the whole movement more credence.

 

Gawker

They might not be around too much longer, thanks to a recent $500 million lawsuit against them, so you might not have to protect your parents from their stuff for that long, but in the mean time, you’ll likely want to stay frosty for any of their stories getting through to your mom’s feed.

What was once an occasionally good, always snarky, and often hilarious muckraking site, with tendrils in every category of news and leisure via its offspring sites, eventually lost its way and resorted to dealing in sex tapes and needless gossipy gay outing hunts (as a rule of thumb, if it’s not a an anti-gay politician you have no real right to out someone who’s in the closet).

It’s a shame because they really had potential to be a long-term force for good in the world. My mom can handle seeing “fuck” in a headline, but I’m not trying to have her see a blown up photo of the outline of John Hamm’s cock through his pants. She can do that on her own time without any aiding and abetting from me.