Love can be the most polarizing of all the emotions and feelings we have. One day, it will lift you one hundred feet in the air and make you feel like you are a caped superhero who cannot be touched or tainted. Yet, the very next day the very same emotion can make you feel crushed (as delicately as Radiohead once put it) like a bug on the ground. Tell me of one other feeling that can take you on as varied a ride as quickly? There isn’t one. Because love is all encompassing. It envelopes us, keeping us up at night and smiling like fools during the day. But make no mistakes, love WILL one day break you. It will pick you up, tear off the very wings it gave you, and remind you just how brittle and broken you may have temporarily forgotten you were. But that is not love’s fault. Love wants to be pure. It is those we sometimes choose to love who we need to blame. The people who love like a game, just to walk away, laughing, with another broken ‘toy’ on the ground behind them. Sociopaths use people like drugs, and if you think you won’t get broken by one at one point is to imply you will never leave your house, because that is the only way to avoid them, as they are everywhere: lurking, looking, waiting. Waiting for someone just like you, to break apart in their hands and then sift your remains through their fingers like sand.
This is a guide on how to survive when that happens to you.
Not if, mind you.
And one more bit of bad news. If this hasn’t happened TO you, look back and realize, you were probably the sociopath doing the ruining.
Sorry, someone has to call that you out, but…..
You Knew all Along
Let’s not pull any punches here. The very worst thing about the day a sociopath leaves you or breaks you for fun is not the actual act of being left or abandoned or broken. It is the self-hatred we then feel because we allowed ourselves to be lied and manipulated into loving someone who was misleading us about who they were. Let us not placate this for frail egos. The hardest part isn’t the broken heart. The hardest part isn’t the readjusting to a lonelier life. The hardest part is knowing we unlocked the door and let the home invaders in.
You want to know what is worse than a straight up home invasion? The kind where you let the person in, willingly. The sick and slow realization that you ignored all the red flags you saw and pretended things were fine.
The hardest part is not hating them after. That is easy. Almost TOO fucking easy.
The hardest part is hating yourself for allowing and enabling it. That’s what really scars.
You Got Broken by Being Tricked into Thinking You Were Fixing Something That Was Already Broken (but Wasn’t)
So let me ask you, first, before I tell you how to survive it, why did you do it? Why did you try to “fix” someone? We all know that is how sociopaths hook us to their line. They act needy and fragile to imbue a sense of power in you that you can, potentially and miraculously, cure or save them. Problem lies with us, too, though because……
THAT IS NOT WHY WE LOVE SOMEONE.
Love is a symbiotic relationship where two people (or more if you’re kinky) lean on each other with the same strength to form one, stronger, unified soul. If you are loving someone to “save” them, that issue lies with you and your weird Superman or Superwomen complex.
What makes you so important that you assume you can save people, and why?
The people who can actually answer that question are the people LEAST likely to find themselves in that situation more than once.
The ones who cannot answer, on the other hand, are doomed into a cycle of circular logic that ends up being very self-destructive.
Same can be said to those looking to be saved BY love. That is just as weird and twisted, and if you base love around that impulse of looking to be saved, you will just drown the other person as well.
If you want to drown, drown alone, but don’t pull someone who cares about you under with you. That is just fucked.
Look At It As a Death or be Doomed to Repeat it
Once you accept that you love the wrong people for the wrong reasons and also come to accept that, in hindsight, you DID ignore a million red flags, the next step is understanding and seeing it as what it is:
To make it less than that is to undermine how big of a hit you took. And if you are SMART, you will cut them out of your life immediately. Because believe me, they will keep you biting on that line, long after the break up. The game only ends when YOU walk away and treat it as it should be treated As I said, like a death.
To treat it as anything less or to keep them in your life as “just friends” is to willingly leave yourself in the open jaws of a great white (see what I did there) who is really close to getting hungry. Remember, a game, ANY GAME, officially ends when ONE party stops playing. You walk away, it ends. It may be painful, but to save your soul long term, it is needed. And make no mistakes about it, it is big and messy and monumental and will redefine you, like it or not. A person you once loved (for whatever reason) is now gone, and in most cases with sociopaths, they probably convinced you it was something YOU did. Such is not the case, wholly.
A sociopath is a TERRIBLY insecure person who feeds on the power of having power over people and situations. To have the final move in the final act of the relationship is something they had planned (even if only on a subconscious level) from the start. They didn’t love you. They wanted to see if they could “train’ you, and once they did, you became boring to them. Some may say it is more than that, but it isn’t. I called the leftovers of these kind of relationships broken toys earlier in this article for a reason. Because that is just what you were to them. A toy. And once they got bored, they tossed you out and went and got a new one. They didn’t show us THAT part in Toy Story, did they?
But knowing that doesn’t make it any less painful. You know what makes it less painful? Being smart enough to avoid it happening to you again, recognizing the warning signs and repetitive cycle, and being wise enough to know to hit the brakes BEFORE you hit the wall.
That way, at least ONE of you lives. Hopefully you. That is kinda the whole point of this article:
YOU surviving this.
The How (and the Bloodshed)
This takes us to the hardest part. How a sociopath ends a relationship. If you think the death part is ugly, it is nothing compared to this step. This is where the true colors of the sociopath shine through. A sociopath needs no closure, and feeds more off knowing someone else doesn’t get it, either. So it is not uncommon for a person like that to just up and walk away one day, after years and years, for no reason. There will be no closure other than the peace you find in yourself. Know that before and make it easier on yourself.
And hell, that is nothing compared to those who REALLY want to undo something. This is why this section is called “the bloodshed”, because yes, there will be blood. But don’t worry, it is usually only proverbial (which actually takes much longer to heal than literal, sadly).
Some of the main methods of EXTREME sociopath break ups include but are not limited to:
Cheating with (your) friends or family
Robbing you blind behind your back pre-break up
Claiming a dishonest victim role in other’s eyes
The “Dear John or Dear JoAnne” Letter (which they leave and leave you a note or email or voicemail to end it without having to feel any actual guilt by looking at your ugly sob face (relax, we ALL have ugly sob faces).
Complete Ruination (this is all of the above mixed with a midget orgy and some casual child murder).
You think I am kidding with that last one, but I am only joking to an extent. So if your sociopath just upped and left, read above and realize how lucky you actually were. It gets a lot uglier for a lot of people. Hell, I worked with a woman once who slept with a special needs kid (literally, she was 35 and he was retarded and 14) right after having a baby with her new husband. Sorry, but some people are just diseased. I am not writing this to tell you that you can avoid it. You kind of can’t. There are too many of them out there and not enough of us. Real talk. Speaking of real talk, there is one last thing I have to tell you here, and it really needs to have an impact….
STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOCIOPATHS, Fucktard!
Yes, sociopaths are usually hotter. Yes, 99% of the time, they are fucking animalistic in bed, and when it’s good with a sociopath, it can be a great high. But if you keep chasing that high, it WILL kill you.
No joke, no punchline, no witty outro. It will fucking kill you.
You’ve been warned. What happens next is up to you.