The alpha male is easily recognizable–socially dominant, a chick hanging on each arm, other dudes hanging around. He makes more money, gets more female attention and generally “dominates” in every aspect of life. At least, this is the idea that originates from Rudolph Schnekel’s study on wolves which was published 1947. Lately however, this study come under scrutiny. The study was conducted with wolves in captivity who were competing for scarce resources. In the wild, wolves live in families and both female and male wolves act as alphas in different circumstances. In short, things might not be exactly how we thought when it comes to the behavior of wolves and people. What then, is a real alpha male? Let’s take this opportunity to redefine the concept.
Follow Your Inner Voice
Does an alpha male have big muscles, drive a Ferrari and always win an argument? Subscribing to other people’s definition of an alpha male is ironically not very alpha. A little bit is okay, but the truth is most people rely too much on outside information and not enough on their inner voice. Why’s that? Probably because they’ve never heard their inner voice. It’s been drowned out by Google, Twitter, and the latest single by Fetty Wap. We live in a society of constant noise, both literally and figuratively. Learn how to get quiet. Meditate, take a walk alone, sit in a room all by yourself for twenty minutes. Does the silence scare you? Then the real world probably scares the shit out of you too, even though you won’t admit it to yourself. And you won’t admit it because you don’t even have a relationship with yourself. Hence, the advice to shut out all the noise. Realize this: There is a badass motherfucker already inside you that you’re drowning out with all that noise.
Own Your Pain
Shit happens–it HAS happened to you and it’s GOING to happen again, so get used to it. You can either be the weak-minded individual who runs from pain, or the warrior who faces it head on. Put down the beer, the bong, the smart phone, and stop masking your pain. Allow yourself to feel it and learn from it. You remember the scene in Fight Club where Tyler burns the other dude with the lye and tells him to stay focused? Yeah–don’t do that. But the lesson remains–take whatever pain you presently have and stay with it. By running from it, you magnify it. Learn this now and immediately transition into beast mode.
Chase Your Dream
Life is action, man. If you’re sitting on the couch or doing anything other than pursuing something that you’re passionate about, you’re not living, you’re waiting to die. That is beta. That is pawn. That is minion. Be the cause, not the effect. Be the action, not the reaction. Call that girl, start that business, dust off that resume. As Mos Def said, “Life is a game I heard the homie say. Well, I came to win, so I’m not here to play.”
Robert Greene’s 4th law in his book The 48 Laws of Power is “Always say less than necessary.” Sometimes a guy has to learn to shut his mouth. And especially if you’re wasting a lot of precious air by bragging and telling everyone how great you are. As Walter Payton so eloquently said, “When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” Constantly puffing yourself up belies a fundamental underlying insecurity. Wise people can see through that right away.
You wanna be an actual badass? A real alpha male? If you want to dominate someone, then dominate yourself. Have the balls to tell yourself no when you want to eat that third donut. Have the stones to get your ass to the gym when you don’t really want to. Stop being a slave to your own habits and whims. Switch off the autopilot and learn to control yourself. As Buddha said, “A man who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle.”
Provide Value for Others
Without this one, it’s pretty impossible to reach alpha male status. A life lived only for yourself is the life lived as a little kid. Only by stepping outside of yourself do you achieve the expansion necessary to be relevant and make an impact. As Albert Einstein said, “Only a life lived for others is worthwhile.” This is listed last for emphasis, but this is where all badassery actually starts.