I’m, by nature, a skeptic. I got past the angry atheist phase pretty early on in my teens, but haven’t wavered in my disbelief since. Despite a childhood fascination with the supernatural and mystical that has carried on into adulthood, I don’t have much patience for those who purport to have psychic abilities, especially when these people prey upon the more gullible members of society to make their living.

With that in mind, it should be as much of a surprise to you as it was to me that I had such a blast when I got a tarot card reading for my cat the other day.

I found Irena in the comments of a Yelp thread after an exhaustive search online for any LA psychic who could give a reading to my 4-year-old calico, Jezi. Though she hadn’t read an animal before, she was up for the challenge and agreed to meet with me in park as she (understandably) didn’t do house calls.

Jezi was none too thrilled to be pulled from the comfort of her home and, after putting a leash and harness on her to prevent any escape attempts, we drove through rush hour traffic to the rendezvous spot. She yowled in fear the entire ride.

Once at the park, Irena flagged me down (I was pretty easy to spot as I was the only person there carrying a meowing cat) and we talked about what I wanted to know. I had no real motives for the reading other than to just sit back and see what the cards could tell us. We all sat down and Irena got to work. The first card pulled was the Page of Swords.


“Did Jezi formerly have an important female figure in her life?” Irena asked.

“Yes. My ex and I used to live together,” I informed her.

“Well, she still misses her and there are strong emotional scars there that haven’t quite healed.”


This made sense. My ex was the only other human Jezi had spent a considerable part of her life around. Ex and I are on good terms though and Jezi gets to see her form time to time so I wasn’t all that concerned. Next Irena pulled the reversed King of Swords.


“Did you recently lose someone?”

“Uhhh… nope,” I replied.

“Well there’s negative energy in your apartment.”

“Hmm. Well, I did recently get rid of an awful temporary roommate that was there for two months.”


Irena jumped on that. “Yes, there’s definitely bad energy still in that space. Jezi is still somewhat stressed over it.”

After advising I do things I’ll never do like sprinkling salt or placing crystals around the four corners of my apartment, and things I’ll actually do like give the whole living room another vacuuming, we moved onto the third and final card of the reading. Jezi’s last card was the Nine of Swords.

cat tarot reading

“Do she have enough space in the apartment,” Irena asked right away. “Enough room to run around?”

“I think so. As far as LA apartments go I lucked out and have one of the larger ones out there for my budget.”

“Well, I see her looking out a screen door.”


She was spot on. If there was one thing Jezi loved to do, it was run up to the screen any time my front door was open and peer out into the courtyard, watching the other tenants walk by. Of course, whenever I’d actually open the door to let her out for some exploring, she’d lose interest or get scared and want to come back after a few minutes.


“Just be sure she has enough vertical levels to explore,” Irena told me. “Like a cat tree or something. You know how cats love having different layers.”


I could stand to get Jezi something nice for once. It’s just so hard to get one of those trees that doesn’t look tacky. I’ll have to mull this over. With our time up and me satisfied with the reading, I paid Irena her fee and tip.


“It’s interesting how all the cards were swords, huh?” I pointed out.

“Yeah, it’s funny. Swords usually pertain to writers,” she informed me.


With my mind sorta blown, I walked Jezi back to the car and drove her home. She didn’t cry out once the entire ride back.