When you’re destitute and down and out, every dollar can mean the difference between and overdraft or another day without having to better sort out the quagmire that is your finances. While some might advise savings and frugality, there is an alternate, more ethically gray path towards keeping that checking account in the double digits.

These tips will not net you beaucoup bucks or change your life, but if you don’t have too strong an aversion to rule breaking, you’ll enjoy an ever-so-slightly higher quality of life.

 

Free Condiments

I can’t remember the last time I paid for Tabasco sauce. Any time I need a new bottle of green pepper, chipotle, or – hell – even original flavored hot sauce, I grab a to go order from one of the million Chipotles in my city and throw one of the least used hot sauce bottles in the bag with it. Those are there for people to use on the products and it’s not like they know just how much of the stuff I’m going to dump onto my burrito bowl. Besides, it’s not like any of the minimum wage employees there give enough of a shit about the job to do anything about it.

Sure, you should grab free ranches and honey mustards wherever you go for stockpiling, but a glass bottle looks a bit classier in the fridge, especially when nobody knows its origins.

 

Free Parking

Not every parking garage is locked down as tight as Fort Knox with an attendant at every exit. My gym has one such garage. Though they only charge $1 for a ticket that permits me to exit the lot 3 times, I enjoy the rush of pulling off a free park too much to start paying that minor fee.

When ready to exit the lot, I make sure to pull up behind another vehicle at the gate. As they slip in their ticket and inch into traffic, I tail close behind, not giving the gate sensor an opportunity to lower its arm. Once the hood of my car is in the way, I know I’m in the clear and break to let the lead car take off.

Be sure to know the footprint and accelerator of your vehicle like the back of your hand before attempting this one, lest you wind up in a minor fender bender that’ll set you back far more than $1.

 

Free Toiletries

Speaking of gyms, did you know some of the higher end ones like Equinox have free Costco-sized pump containers of luxury bath and skincare products just sitting in their locker rooms, there for the taking? We’re talking hundreds of dollars of Kiehls products.

Just one stop to Daiso or your preferred dollar store to pick up a few containers and you’ll be able to fill those bad boys up and walk out the door rich in premium lotion, conditioner, and shampoo.

One problem, you wouldn’t be reading this if you had enough extra cash lying around to join one of these gyms. Fortunately for you, guest passes and free trial days are in abundance. Snag one of these, get a nice workout in, and be on your way with lotions in tow.

 

Free Drinks

At a bar and planning to get more than two rounds? Keep an open tab on the first drink, and when things are fairly busy, swoop in for the second. As you pick up the drinks and start to back away, you tell the bartender “last name [blank].” But really lower your voice and mumble through that last name. Turn around and head back to your table before he asks for clarification. If he hears you, oh well. If he doesn’t, he likely won’t want to waste the time tracking you down to ask for clarification.

When it’s time to get your last drink or close out, find the alternate bartender to fetch your bill. About half the time, those mumble drinks won’t be accounted for.