Hey Asshole,

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about six months now. Things are pretty serious, and her lease is almost up, and she’s hinting that she might want to move in with me. I think I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I still really value my independence. What should I do?

Yours,

Indecisive And Nervous

 

Dear IAN,

First off, I don’t want to be rude or anything, but what the fuck is the deal with your pseudonym? The acronym I.A.N. doesn’t have anything to do with your situation unless your name is actually Ian, and if it is, why go to the trouble of using a pseudonym in the first place? Try a little harder next time, maybe something like Skeptical Of Lover Occupying (SOLO). I just shat that out and it’s still about a thousand times better than yours.

Anyway, IAN, stop worrying so much. Who cares if you’re ready for your girlfriend to move in: just go for it. If you discover that you don’t live well together, that over time each of your idiosyncrasies drive each other insane to the point of eroding the love and respect that form the basis of your relationship, so what? Better to throw yourself in all at once and see what happens than take it baby step by baby step. It’s the same way I taught my kids to drive.

So take the plunge, IAN. You’ll be glad you did. Or maybe you won’t. I’m not a fortune teller. If you’re worried about things getting messy down the road, just be sure to maintain an emotional distance throughout the relationship to make sure you never get hurt. And don’t ever contact me again.

Smell Ya Later,

Matt